Furs on TV – Pelts (2006)

The monkey’s paw shrivels as the last wish is spoken. The last couple didn’t go so well. Still, you’re confident that asking for a mainstream piece of media that explores some of the historically noted eroticism of fur fashion is a simple wish. What could go wrong? The Pelts Blu-ray smacks you in the face. 

Goddammit.

Masters of Horror S2 E06: Pelts – The Film

This is the tale of what happens when you make a coat out of magic raccoons. (Good story hook, I would have gone in a different direction.) Things get messy, particularly with renowned Giallo director Dario Argento at the helm. There is, of course, a decent amount of commentary around this film being “anti-fur,” but big daddy Dario doesn’t care: 

“No, there is no message. I am not with the fur or anti-fur people. I describe the reality – something happens to people. People are all disgusting. There is something that is very black and very pale about pelts.”

https://screenanarchy.com/2007/08/time-to-scream-your-lungs-out-a-brief-interview-with-dario-argento.html

So, I’m taking it back! Sure, you probably still don’t want it, and that’s fair, but I’m doing it anyway.

Masters of Horror S2 E06: Pelts – The Fur

Raccoon Fur Coat - Pelts, 2006

So, plot-wise, the coat does not show up until the last act, about 45 minutes in. That is after the magical pelts have left some bodies in their wake.

Raccoon Fur Coat - Pelts, 2006

The one responsible for this is Jake Feldman. Meat Loaf plays him, and I assume he got this role thanks to his tour-de-force performance in To Catch a Yeti. His character was also named Jake, and I will not be covering it. EVER.

Ellen Ewusie in a Raccoon Fur Coat - Pelts, 2006

He’s got the hots for local stripper Shanna and thinks the only he can get into her pants is with the coat. This is the most realistic part of the entire film.

Shanna puts on the coat in a sequence that calls back to many a shot from cinema history. In this case, you’re supposed to assume her sensual response to the coat is due to magic, pissed-off spirits. Yet this extract scene exists in many movies with no supernatural influence.

Recall this scene from Forever Lulu. For more, just head on over to TV Tropes

Ellen Ewusie in a Raccoon Fur Coat - Pelts, 2006

Jake’s plan works, and the most horrific part of this horror movie plays out: a love scene with Meat Loaf. 

Ellen Ewusie in a Raccoon Fur Coat - Pelts, 2006

Once that’s over, you’ll probably want to tune out. Possibly before then.

Suffice it to say; the pissed-off magic raccoons get their vengeance, which involves a lot of red food coloring and corn syrup. Were I to quibble about something entirely unrelated to the topic… at hand: freight elevator gates with enough power to dismember are probably not OSHA-compliant. There are 7 minutes of fur in the film, though that’s mixed in with the more graphic elements, so maybe shave off one or two for the “clean” stuff.

Fur Runtime: approx 7 minutes
Film Runtime: 58 minutes
On-Screen Fur Ratio: 12.4%

Find-a-Fur: Pelts, 2006

(all times are approximate and are affected by the cut of the film)

  • 01:30 – shots from the end, quick
  • 44:40 – raccoon coat
  • 46:45 – 51:00 – ”

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